Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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