Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize