I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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