You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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