It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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