he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
