i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Did I show you my penis last night?
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
