Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
