Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
