she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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