have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
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