That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
