I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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