i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
