I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
