I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
