Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
You ruined the universe
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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