Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
now i know why i became what i already was.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Randomize
