I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize