somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
