So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize