At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
