you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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