We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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