I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
