is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
