PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
