Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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