is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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