Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize