I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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