i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
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