Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Randomize
