I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
