oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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