i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
