so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
