I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
