i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Randomize
