Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
