I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
