Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
