no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
