foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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