He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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