I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
