I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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