she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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