my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Randomize
