She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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