I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I'm always down for nudity.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
