My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I feel like death gave me a hand job
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
