I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
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