we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
