ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
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