y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize