In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
