So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
