His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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