He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
