are you still at the devil's house?
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
