I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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