I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
