Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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