eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
