My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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