One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
