he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
