I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
