Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Randomize
