So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
