MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
