I hate your face
Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
