Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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