Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Panties = found
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