At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
