And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
