Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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