i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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