Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
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