dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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