i think my tv is drunk
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
