If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
