I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Randomize
