Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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