I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
It's rum buckets o'clock
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
