and i looked up. we had an audience...
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
