Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
